I Wan Dew It!

And that's just how she says it. Collins said her first full sentence a few days ago and in pure 4th child fashion it was "I wanna do it!" (Insert hard shove to Jeb's shoulder and a push off the chair.) She's never lacked confidence.

Collins is doing great. We've had two visits to the International Adoption Clinic here in Birmingham and I think if they passed out grades she would be an "A" student. All of her immunizations were up to date and there were no surpises with her labs or physical exam. She's 50% in height on US charts which is kind of weird (she's tall) and about 30% for weight (she doesn't miss a meal just like her momma.) Attachment and bonding wise they said where she is after a month of being with us they normally don't see until children have been home after 6 months or so. Apparently, God thinks I'm a wimp and can't handle much because comparatively she's been an "easy one."

On a day to day practical level, life is getting much easier. I don't even notice that she speaks Chinese anymore. It takes me a minute to figure out why the cashier in Target is staring at her so intently as she sings Wheels on the Bus in Chinese. I was able to leave her with my mom the other day while I ran to Wal-Mart for about an hour. You would have thought I had gone to Hawaii for a months vacation. Mornings are so much easier. She doesn't wake up and attach to my leg. She'll go play with Jeb or watch cartoons in the other room! Gasp!

Jerod and I have watched her fit right in with our family. We laugh and are in shock that they make Sinclair's in China; she's definately one of us.

Are You There, Denial? It's Me, Allison.

We've been friends for a long time. Well, as long as I can remember. You're my go to when things get rough. If I yell at my kids and don't want to say I'm sorry, you're always there to help me move on and rationalize. If Jerod does something that totally ticks me off, I just turn to you and you make it all go away. You and I can just go on about our busy, little days no matter what the circumstances. Thanks for always being there. I can always have so much more fun when you're around.

I've always had this unbelievable ability to just shut down when life gets not so fun. I can so easily turn off those annoying emotions and act as if life is just peachy. It may be a generational sin kind of thing because my dad does it, I do it and Connor is showing early, but strong, signs of the denial gene. This "disease" presents itself in two main ways in my life: one, I'm rarely wrong and two, no one ever upsets me. Ever.

Just ask Jerod about how often I'm wrong....almost never. And if I am wrong, well, I'm gonna die trying to convince you that I'm not. I can rationalize my way out of anything....there's a perfect reason I'm 2 hours late and I didn't call you, I needed to be really angry and yell at you for what you did, I know I said I would help you, but listen to this great reason why I can't. The list goes on and on, but bottom line, I just like to claim "grace" and move on with my life. I mean, I'm sorry, okay. Can't we all just get along and go shopping or something?!

If there is a good side to living in denial, it's that the same denial tactics apply to you too. Making some bad decisions in your life? Well, who am I to call you out? I have lots of issues. Unrepentant? The Holy Spirit will convict you not me. If something I know and you don't may hurt you or upset your life, I'm probably not going to tell you about it. If I act like I don't know it, then maybe you never will either and we can all move on in blissful ignorance. And, hey, if you hurt my feelings, I'll act like nothing happened. I mean, isn't that better than having to have a deep, drama-filled "talk" about it?

The problem with my way of dealing, is that it's all just a lie. When I smile at you and tell you I'm fine, it's a lie. When I ignore the temper that just emotionally leveled my 6 year old, I teach her that acting like that is ok and it's not. The only kind of peace that denial gets you is a cheap, false peace; not real peace at all. I love the line in O.A.R.'s song "Shattered" where he says "All that I feel is the realness I'm faking." Sums it up. Real peace comes from letting Christ work in you and through you. And all of that resentment and frustration and disappoinment that has built up underneath that "peace" has to come out somehow. It's "escape" looks different for everyone, but it's gonna explode somehow. For me it comes out as anxiety. Others it comes out as an addiction. The "best" case is when it looks very holy like staying busy at the church and being Miss Volunteer 2010. When I'm saving my life and everyone elses by playing ignorant, I'm basically giving God the finger and telling Him He's just not big enough. "Ok, God. You handle spinning the Earth and keeping the planets aligned and I'll handle my mom, my marriage, my kids, my whatever."

I was just wanting to read the Christmas story the other night when God made me read John 3:19-21. John puts living in denial this way:

"This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."

Ummmmmm, thanks God for the swift kick in the butt. I get it.

26 Things You May Not Know About Me

I have a new friend. Her name is Sharon. She lives in Georgia and we've only seen each other in real life once. But that doesn't matter. I feel like we've known each other forever.

Sharon's daughter JingJing and Collins were in the same orphanage in China and we found each other through a Yahoo group for adopting parents from Putian City. We just kind of connected right away. There's always a connection between adoptive parents in general. It's like soldiers that have been through war. It doesn't matter if you fought in the same war or not. War is war, and if you been there, few words need to be spoken to understand what another soldier has been through. But, with some people, there's just more. I don't know how to explain it, but as Christians I think that connection is God's Spirit within us. Anyway, Sharon and I are total opposites really, but there is this weird comfort between us like we've known each other forever.

Jennings, Collins and I drove to Atlanta yesterday to meet Sharon, JingJing and her sister Ella Kate for the first time. It was really a disaster of a day (not with Sharon or the girls!) that I will write about soon, but driving home I saw a falling star and it start this crazy rabbit trail of thoughts. It reminded me of a story from when I was 6 which led to thinking that there is so much about my life that Sharon doesn't know. It's not "game changing" kind of stuff. It doesn't change who I am today, but there are 32 years worth of events that she missed. So, I decided that I would give everyone a look into the first 32 years of my life. Some are funny; some aren't. But, in no particular order, here are 26 Things You May Not Know About Me....

1. The story that I thought of was that when I was 6 or so my best friend Jennifer Unger and I were in the backseat of my mom's car. She asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I went first and said that I was going to be an astronomer. I loved the stars and was in awe of space. Jennifer went next and told mom that she really just wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
2. When I was 5 I fell down a flight of stairs to our concrete basement floor and cracked my skull open. Aren't you glad I didn't die?!
3. I graduated Summa Cum Laude in Industrial Engineering from Tennessee. Apparently, the fractured skull made me smarter.
4. I love to pick my toe nails.
5. My first car was a 1991 Plymoth Sundance...NEON blue. In college we named it "The Bird" because amazingly it "flew" me and my friend Gotch to visit our friend Claire in New York City. Yep, The Bird was on Broadway.
6. I believed in Santa Claus until I was in 5th grade.
7. My freshman and sophomore year of high school I carried my Bible to school everyday.
8. If I could be anything in the world, I would be a world traveling food critic. I love to travel and I never miss a meal.
9. I hate knees and feet.
10. I was Christened in the Episcopal church, sprinkled in the Methodist church, dunked in the Baptist church and now I go to a Presbyterian church. I think I'm covered.
11. My first job out of college was working at Chick-fil-A's home office as a wait for it, wait for it....computer programmer?????
12. I was a Vol Hostess for the Tennessee men's basketball team.
13. My favorite color is Kelly Green
14. My parent's divorced when I was three.
15. My dad lives in Truckee, CA right outside of Lake Tahoe. I have a half brother Will who is in college and a half sister Jillian who is in high school.
16. I thought I may want to go into politics, so my senior year at Tennessee I took a semester off and did an internship with the Tennessee legislature. I realized pretty quickly I didn't have the energy to be a politician. I can't smile and small talk for that long.
17. I sucked my thumb until Kindergarten. Now, my left thumb is significantly shorter than my right. Coincidence???
18. Fish makes me throw up. Literally.
19. I strongly dislike country music.
20. I really like rap music...censored versions only though.
21. I love fast cars. Someday, probably in Heaven...if we get to drive, I would love to have a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet. Charcoal gray.
22. My motto for 2010 was "All in." Haven't decided on 2011 yet.
23. Contrary to what most people think, I was never a cheerleader.
24. Technically, I'm an only child.
25. The best concert I've ever been to was Coldplay in Birmingham last March. Can never be recreated. Close second was U2 in Oklahoma City with the Black Eyed Peas.
26. Jerod and I met when we were paired up together in a wedding. He was a groomsman and I was a bridesmaid. Awwww, how sweet.