or healthy distraction?
This Fall I was in a Bible study about addiction, with addiction being defined as anything that comes between you and God. What you go to to fill in the GAP: that space between where you are and where God wants you to be. Example: Where you are: I am failing as a mom. My middle schooler is a loner and has no friends. ****Insert GAP**** Where God wants you to be: Believe that you AND your middle schooler are well-provided for children of the King.
We all fill the GAP with addictions at some point or another or always for most of us. I mean, if it were me in this situation, I would fill in the GAP with signing my child up for after school clubs, youth group trips and probably buy a self-help book on how to help loser kids. None of those things are bad in and of themselves, but with a frantic, controlling heart, they are an addiction. You're just trying to make yourself feel better and make life feel a little bit less out of your control by "doing something." The "non-addiction" thing that God wants us to do is run to Him instead of Barnes and Noble and trust that He is loving and able to take care of our babies. Apparently, "The Last Addiction," based on a book by that title, is the addiction to the belief that we can save ourselves.
This Fall I was in a Bible study about addiction, with addiction being defined as anything that comes between you and God. What you go to to fill in the GAP: that space between where you are and where God wants you to be. Example: Where you are: I am failing as a mom. My middle schooler is a loner and has no friends. ****Insert GAP**** Where God wants you to be: Believe that you AND your middle schooler are well-provided for children of the King.
We all fill the GAP with addictions at some point or another or always for most of us. I mean, if it were me in this situation, I would fill in the GAP with signing my child up for after school clubs, youth group trips and probably buy a self-help book on how to help loser kids. None of those things are bad in and of themselves, but with a frantic, controlling heart, they are an addiction. You're just trying to make yourself feel better and make life feel a little bit less out of your control by "doing something." The "non-addiction" thing that God wants us to do is run to Him instead of Barnes and Noble and trust that He is loving and able to take care of our babies. Apparently, "The Last Addiction," based on a book by that title, is the addiction to the belief that we can save ourselves.
So, here's the dilema...when does a healthy escape, or something sometimes called "it-makes-me-a-better-mommy", become an addiction?
For those of you who didn't know me in my former life (life before I had four kids, well, really life before I started filling out truckloads of paperwork for Collins' adoption) I wrote fashion columns for several blogs. I would write about the latest trends or a great, new bra I found. I know, it's a shocker considering my degree, but fashion and styling became my creative outlet...an outlet I never knew I had. I thought I was doomed to be a logical, in-the-box engineer all my life, so this discovery was a fun surprise.
I haven't had time to think about clothes in a year, and now all the sudden, I'm editing over-the-knee boots online and deciding if I'm going to try the clog trend this Fall. So, is my creative outlet an addiction or something that helps keep me sane during these days while I have a Chinese 2 year old attached to me?
For now, I'm going with healthy distraction. I guess if my kids start to go hungry because I'm researching the new peep toes then we'll have a problem. So to celebrate my not yet addiction, look tomorrow for my take on Uggs, jeggings and, ugh, clogs.
Until then...What are your thoughts?
The kids can do without you for a few minutes. Every mother needs an outlet that is not so motherish or wifeish. It will make you a better mom.
ReplyDeleteAs far as the clogs are concerned, agreed, ugh.
I have a little side business (embroidery, vinyl lettering, ie.). I don't consider it an addiction - but like you said a creative outlet and something to keep me sane. It is also nice knowing I can focus on something other than motherhood (which don't get me wrong, I totally love)!
ReplyDeleteNow I see where my healthy distraction might be a problem if more of my time/energy is spent on the distraction rather than time seeking God.
Make sense?
Is it filling a need/occupying a space that is meant for Him and Him alone? If not, then it's okay. I always had something going while at home...even if it's painting a room or something small like that. I just need a project going on and something of my own. However, when I start to neglect my responsibilities because I want to ______, then it's a problem.
ReplyDeleteWell here I am from out in left field! Just found your blog this weekend and if you want to speak in terms of addiction, well here's my new one! Gosh you are such a natural storyteller. Anyway this is a post I feel compelled to toss my two cents at, hopefully without hitting anyone in the eyeball.
ReplyDeleteI know firsthand that worry and control can be frenetic alternatives to SOMETHING wiser...more lifegiving...however you word it. I personally think that that ‘something’ oftentimes is grief. For me if I don’t worry and control I have to just sit there and feel gross (that is, to hurt) and who wants that. But I've learned it is the honest hurting, grieving, and acknowledgement of ‘what is’ that actually will keep me most in my own skin, most intact, and therefore most able to feel honest delight and joy, too. Thus you have people like yourself who are able to keep both tears and laughter accessible in the room at most any given moment. That is rare. Especially for an engineer : )
Knowing you (20 yrs ago--yet you seem so much the same!), I would bet you have already on multiple occasions 'sat' with your middle schooler in his/her pain and hurt with him/her in a way that is just very ‘you and him/her’. In my mind that is exactly where God wants us to be: first and foremost just WITH our kids, being ourselves in whatever crap or loveliness is there. Solidarity is my cry here. Yes yes, without over-worrying or trying to control it/fix it (and if you figure out how to do that, uh please let me know), but ALSO, just as importantly, without denying whatever reality is there that wants/needs to be grieved....to feel sad/hateful/both without pressuring OURSELVES, or our kids, to make too quick of a flight to joy/peace/”identity in Christ”, etc..
I'm still in the church, I love the church, but I think it is THE CHURCH sometimes who tries to control and fix things by inadvertently pressuring people to deny their pain and employ manic defenses (=all the varieties of ‘keeping a stiff upper lip') in order to 'overcome' our not-good-enoughness. That to me is a recipe for emotional confusion and alienation from ourselves (and therefore others and God). In other words, I think the church in general is uncomfortable with grief. I'm not talking you now, I'm talking the church. As for you, are you kidding, I know you can grieve—here are your tears for your kids’ hurt, and your own hurt, laid out on this little blog! And much laughter, too. You bleed attunement to your family, and it is beautiful.
Gah, so embarrassing, can I not just say something in an appropriate # of sentences?? Well lady I just want to thank you so much for your honesty, and for this warm and hilarious blog, and CONGRATULATIONS on Mingjiao’s arrival!!! What a tender, tender heart she is. I pray her sense of safety and trust grows daily so her tender heart can rest.
Holly Grigsby
I had to look up Jeggings to know what they were. I like them! So while you are obliging your addiction, can you find me some that have a 32 inch inseam? :)jennifer
ReplyDeleteAs for blogging....I agree that as long as this is not taking the place of your time with the Lord, and your responsibilities as mom and wife.......go for itl! Definitely a healthy distraction and I love reading it! I once was in a bible study and the leader said, "a Christian woman shouldn't be the first one in the newest fashion, but she shouldn't be the last one either." I like that....and I like to wait to see if a new trend is really going to "stick" before purchasing.......I'm not too sure about jeggings, but I do like skinny jeans that actually are jeans....and as for Uggs....never went there.....then the news came...we are moving to Washington DC. Since I freeze in the Bham winter I googled "what is the warmest boot" and yes, my computer told me Uggs.....so I bought some and I will say they have been great. I wore them Sunday and my feet were toasty!! (I bought the higher ones) So.... Blog on! I want to read more.
ReplyDelete