Yesterday was a bad day. The night before Collins didn't sleep a bit. She tossed and turned and if she wasn't touching me she would cry and throw her arm over to feel for me. I think I was slapped in the face about 100 times. At one point, she climbed over and laid on top of my chest. She was afraid I was going to leave her. We woke up to a rainy day that just felt weird. I felt like an alien had moved into my house. I'm tired of hearing her whine in Chinese, and Jerod and I are sure she's cussed us out several times. She doesn't like American food. She shoves Jeb away from me and snatches his Halloween candy. If Jennings puts her hand on her stroller she yells "No!" She's scared of Tico and Cooper and screams and runs when she sees them. She follows me everywhere and pitches a fit when I can't pick her up. Doesn't she know that I have 3 other kids? There's no cartoon babysitter here; I guess because she can't understand ENGLISH. She got car sick and threw up in the car. I can't eat because of this nervous, anxious feeling in my stomach that says"Will this ever feel normal?"
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Yesterday was a good day. When I was crying on the floor putting on my shoes, I looked up at Collins and she had one little tear rolling down her cheek and she laid her head down on my shoulder. I'll never know if that tear was to say "I'm sorry" or "Yeah. I know. This sucks for both of us." But either way it was a sweet moment. When Jerod came home yesterday I said "Mingjiao who is that?" she yelled Dada and ran into his arms. I caught her dancing to Dave Matthews and it made me smile. She has the best laugh. It's one of those great, belly laughs. She and Jennings played a long game of Peek-A-Boo around the kitchen. She rode a Radio Flyer scooter down the driveway in fresh air with a Golden Retriever playing catch in the yard. Jerod wrote me a note and a part of it was "We are called to be inconvenienced and taken out of our comfort zone. This is what we do. We are strengthened by God and don't shy away from His word but meet it head on and become faithful servants."
If His word is true, and true religion is caring for the orphans and the widows and the outcasts, then I guess the good day/bad days are worth it.
First of all what a precious husband!!! He is one of the good ones~ supportive and caring!!! Being newly home is exhausting and scary and amazing and sweet all at the same time... So wish we lived close so we could help each other. Your tears are from pure exhaustion and everyone needs MOM the most. We are pulled in all directions and it is just plain hard. I kid you not I am SO thankful we were given Jing but sometimes it is SO hard to do everything that goes with it. It's a daily journey... minute by minute. It will get better my friend and until then pray like crazy, turn up the music, and dance, and cry like a baby. God's right there beside you cheering you on to do exactly what Jerod said!!! I am here for you when you want to talk even if you are bawling your eyes out!!!
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Love you!
Sharon
Allison: This truly had me laughing and then crying and then laughing. I love the way you express the most awkward situations and make them funny and you always seem to see a bright side. This is a journey for you and your family..God will be stedfast with you. Depend on Him and know with Him ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE. In His Time not ours. Praying for you all.
ReplyDeleteWow! I remember when Laura B brought Caylen home and we were doing Bible study at her house. C did the exact same things Collins is doing. Its crazy, I remember thinking Laura must be utterly exhausted, and she was...Calyn is now adjusting so well and loving school, making friends and not making Laura hold her 24/7. I will pray for you, Jerod and the kids. Hang in there, you have many people praying for you. Let me know if I can bring Jeb home for you any day.....love -Genie
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