"One Sunny Summer"

When I was in 5th grade I decided to write a book. I titled it "One Sunny Summer." I have no idea what it was going to be about. I think I only got about halfway down one page of a legal pad before the enthusiasm wore off and I stopped my writing career. Everyone should probably be glad I did because, really, when was the last time you read a riveting, best-selling novel by an engineer? Likely never. I haven't thought about "One Sunny Summer" in years, but for some reason almost everyday of the past week I've thought about it.

If you were to ask me what age I'd like to go back to, I would say 10 years old. And the title of my almost "novel" says exactly why. At that age, the it's always "One Sunny Summer." You're old enough to have some independence and freedom in your world. You can go walk the track at high school football games and go to movies without your parents. And also most 10 year olds (I do know exceptions) haven't experienced the evil and harshness of the world that leaves you prive to the fact that people will always let you down and those closest to you will be the ones to hurt you the most. It's like the last year before reality kicks you in the ass and you're really never the same again...or at least it was for me.

I've tried to figure out why in the world I've thought about this "book" (if you can call it that) so much lately. The best that I can come up with is that in just 20 short years everything about what I know about life has changed. It's not always "One Sunny Summer" and really it never has been. I'm not surprised that people do bad things anymore. That orphans are left on door steps. That pastors have affairs and terrorists fly planes into buildings. I don't even really pay attention to the murders that the local news talks about nightly. At 10, I would have told you that those things only happened in the worst R-rated movie that I wasn't allowed to see.

I guess there are days when I just long for a little bit of ignorance. I mean, sometimes isn't ignorance really bliss? I sit and watch Jeb and Collins play and laugh and cry and they seem like normal toddlers. But, their story isn't normal and it never has been. They suffered their greatest loss, greatest disappointment in life at 1 day and 10 days old. With Jeb, at least we have pictures of his mom and a few details of her life, but with Collins, someday I'll have to tell her that someone just left her in a box on a sidewalk in the middle of China. That's it. We'll never know anything about her parents or if she has brothers and sisters or if she has her mom's eyes. There isn't even a picture of Collins until she is about 10 months old. It's like she didn't even exist until then.

But what a 10 year old doesn't know is that even with all the messiness and hurt, life gets so much deeper and richer and meaningful as you get older and suffer a little. It's not all about the perfectly feathered bangs or Tretorns anymore, but it's so much better. The rough times in life give God a great backdrop to work. I guess we'd all do ourselves a favor if we could just figure out how to suffer well instead of fighting life. Easier said than done, I know.

Just a thought...

P.S. I think it's funny that anyone is still reading this blog. I mean the orphan was rescued, isn't that the high point?! But this writing thing has turned into some sort of therapy for me and I'm just going to keep going. Plus someday it may be fun to go back and read or laugh at myself. Anyway, I don't know, from here on it's just me writing out loud....whatever is in my head. I may write about orphans or fashion or PTA meetings. I don't really edit what comes out, so sorry in advance. I hope I don't lose any friends with this blog...