I Wan Dew It!

And that's just how she says it. Collins said her first full sentence a few days ago and in pure 4th child fashion it was "I wanna do it!" (Insert hard shove to Jeb's shoulder and a push off the chair.) She's never lacked confidence.

Collins is doing great. We've had two visits to the International Adoption Clinic here in Birmingham and I think if they passed out grades she would be an "A" student. All of her immunizations were up to date and there were no surpises with her labs or physical exam. She's 50% in height on US charts which is kind of weird (she's tall) and about 30% for weight (she doesn't miss a meal just like her momma.) Attachment and bonding wise they said where she is after a month of being with us they normally don't see until children have been home after 6 months or so. Apparently, God thinks I'm a wimp and can't handle much because comparatively she's been an "easy one."

On a day to day practical level, life is getting much easier. I don't even notice that she speaks Chinese anymore. It takes me a minute to figure out why the cashier in Target is staring at her so intently as she sings Wheels on the Bus in Chinese. I was able to leave her with my mom the other day while I ran to Wal-Mart for about an hour. You would have thought I had gone to Hawaii for a months vacation. Mornings are so much easier. She doesn't wake up and attach to my leg. She'll go play with Jeb or watch cartoons in the other room! Gasp!

Jerod and I have watched her fit right in with our family. We laugh and are in shock that they make Sinclair's in China; she's definately one of us.

Are You There, Denial? It's Me, Allison.

We've been friends for a long time. Well, as long as I can remember. You're my go to when things get rough. If I yell at my kids and don't want to say I'm sorry, you're always there to help me move on and rationalize. If Jerod does something that totally ticks me off, I just turn to you and you make it all go away. You and I can just go on about our busy, little days no matter what the circumstances. Thanks for always being there. I can always have so much more fun when you're around.

I've always had this unbelievable ability to just shut down when life gets not so fun. I can so easily turn off those annoying emotions and act as if life is just peachy. It may be a generational sin kind of thing because my dad does it, I do it and Connor is showing early, but strong, signs of the denial gene. This "disease" presents itself in two main ways in my life: one, I'm rarely wrong and two, no one ever upsets me. Ever.

Just ask Jerod about how often I'm wrong....almost never. And if I am wrong, well, I'm gonna die trying to convince you that I'm not. I can rationalize my way out of anything....there's a perfect reason I'm 2 hours late and I didn't call you, I needed to be really angry and yell at you for what you did, I know I said I would help you, but listen to this great reason why I can't. The list goes on and on, but bottom line, I just like to claim "grace" and move on with my life. I mean, I'm sorry, okay. Can't we all just get along and go shopping or something?!

If there is a good side to living in denial, it's that the same denial tactics apply to you too. Making some bad decisions in your life? Well, who am I to call you out? I have lots of issues. Unrepentant? The Holy Spirit will convict you not me. If something I know and you don't may hurt you or upset your life, I'm probably not going to tell you about it. If I act like I don't know it, then maybe you never will either and we can all move on in blissful ignorance. And, hey, if you hurt my feelings, I'll act like nothing happened. I mean, isn't that better than having to have a deep, drama-filled "talk" about it?

The problem with my way of dealing, is that it's all just a lie. When I smile at you and tell you I'm fine, it's a lie. When I ignore the temper that just emotionally leveled my 6 year old, I teach her that acting like that is ok and it's not. The only kind of peace that denial gets you is a cheap, false peace; not real peace at all. I love the line in O.A.R.'s song "Shattered" where he says "All that I feel is the realness I'm faking." Sums it up. Real peace comes from letting Christ work in you and through you. And all of that resentment and frustration and disappoinment that has built up underneath that "peace" has to come out somehow. It's "escape" looks different for everyone, but it's gonna explode somehow. For me it comes out as anxiety. Others it comes out as an addiction. The "best" case is when it looks very holy like staying busy at the church and being Miss Volunteer 2010. When I'm saving my life and everyone elses by playing ignorant, I'm basically giving God the finger and telling Him He's just not big enough. "Ok, God. You handle spinning the Earth and keeping the planets aligned and I'll handle my mom, my marriage, my kids, my whatever."

I was just wanting to read the Christmas story the other night when God made me read John 3:19-21. John puts living in denial this way:

"This is the crisis we're in: God-light streamed into the world, but men and women everywhere ran for the darkness. They went for the darkness because they were not really interested in pleasing God. Everyone who makes a practice of doing evil, addicted to denial and illusion, hates God-light and won't come near it, fearing a painful exposure. But anyone working and living in truth and reality welcomes God-light so the work can be seen for the God-work it is."

Ummmmmm, thanks God for the swift kick in the butt. I get it.

26 Things You May Not Know About Me

I have a new friend. Her name is Sharon. She lives in Georgia and we've only seen each other in real life once. But that doesn't matter. I feel like we've known each other forever.

Sharon's daughter JingJing and Collins were in the same orphanage in China and we found each other through a Yahoo group for adopting parents from Putian City. We just kind of connected right away. There's always a connection between adoptive parents in general. It's like soldiers that have been through war. It doesn't matter if you fought in the same war or not. War is war, and if you been there, few words need to be spoken to understand what another soldier has been through. But, with some people, there's just more. I don't know how to explain it, but as Christians I think that connection is God's Spirit within us. Anyway, Sharon and I are total opposites really, but there is this weird comfort between us like we've known each other forever.

Jennings, Collins and I drove to Atlanta yesterday to meet Sharon, JingJing and her sister Ella Kate for the first time. It was really a disaster of a day (not with Sharon or the girls!) that I will write about soon, but driving home I saw a falling star and it start this crazy rabbit trail of thoughts. It reminded me of a story from when I was 6 which led to thinking that there is so much about my life that Sharon doesn't know. It's not "game changing" kind of stuff. It doesn't change who I am today, but there are 32 years worth of events that she missed. So, I decided that I would give everyone a look into the first 32 years of my life. Some are funny; some aren't. But, in no particular order, here are 26 Things You May Not Know About Me....

1. The story that I thought of was that when I was 6 or so my best friend Jennifer Unger and I were in the backseat of my mom's car. She asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. I went first and said that I was going to be an astronomer. I loved the stars and was in awe of space. Jennifer went next and told mom that she really just wanted to be a Solid Gold dancer.
2. When I was 5 I fell down a flight of stairs to our concrete basement floor and cracked my skull open. Aren't you glad I didn't die?!
3. I graduated Summa Cum Laude in Industrial Engineering from Tennessee. Apparently, the fractured skull made me smarter.
4. I love to pick my toe nails.
5. My first car was a 1991 Plymoth Sundance...NEON blue. In college we named it "The Bird" because amazingly it "flew" me and my friend Gotch to visit our friend Claire in New York City. Yep, The Bird was on Broadway.
6. I believed in Santa Claus until I was in 5th grade.
7. My freshman and sophomore year of high school I carried my Bible to school everyday.
8. If I could be anything in the world, I would be a world traveling food critic. I love to travel and I never miss a meal.
9. I hate knees and feet.
10. I was Christened in the Episcopal church, sprinkled in the Methodist church, dunked in the Baptist church and now I go to a Presbyterian church. I think I'm covered.
11. My first job out of college was working at Chick-fil-A's home office as a wait for it, wait for it....computer programmer?????
12. I was a Vol Hostess for the Tennessee men's basketball team.
13. My favorite color is Kelly Green
14. My parent's divorced when I was three.
15. My dad lives in Truckee, CA right outside of Lake Tahoe. I have a half brother Will who is in college and a half sister Jillian who is in high school.
16. I thought I may want to go into politics, so my senior year at Tennessee I took a semester off and did an internship with the Tennessee legislature. I realized pretty quickly I didn't have the energy to be a politician. I can't smile and small talk for that long.
17. I sucked my thumb until Kindergarten. Now, my left thumb is significantly shorter than my right. Coincidence???
18. Fish makes me throw up. Literally.
19. I strongly dislike country music.
20. I really like rap music...censored versions only though.
21. I love fast cars. Someday, probably in Heaven...if we get to drive, I would love to have a Porsche 911 Carrera 4S Cabriolet. Charcoal gray.
22. My motto for 2010 was "All in." Haven't decided on 2011 yet.
23. Contrary to what most people think, I was never a cheerleader.
24. Technically, I'm an only child.
25. The best concert I've ever been to was Coldplay in Birmingham last March. Can never be recreated. Close second was U2 in Oklahoma City with the Black Eyed Peas.
26. Jerod and I met when we were paired up together in a wedding. He was a groomsman and I was a bridesmaid. Awwww, how sweet.

K.I.S.S.

No, I'm not dead. No, I'm not sick. No, I didn't run away and leave the Chinese girl behind. Quite honestly, I'm just all emotioned out. Wink. Wink. Part 2 may have to wait years because all that deep thinking and gooey emotion kind of made me nauseous. Before last Monday, I had been on a crying, emotional roller coaster for 5 solid weeks. Nothing happened that I can remember, but last Monday marked the end of my emotional binge. I'm sure the relief is temporary, but I've had a solid week of what I call "business mode" and I've gotten so much done! My kids and husband my leave me, but, man, life is getting organized and streamlined. Cuttin' out the fat!

I'm not a big fan of acronyms. I generally think they're cheesy and immature. (Remember LYLAS? Ugh. Never was true.) But, K.I.S.S. has been my motto for this great week of productivity.... Keep It Simple, Stupid. Sure. Sounds great. Who needs fluff anyway??? So, in honor of this Holiday season or just life's craziness, here are my great discoveries from the week for how to have a simpler life. (In bullet form, of course.)

• All you need for fall is one pair of boots. One. That's it. Find one good pair of cognac or neutral colored leather boots and wear them everyday, with everything....black, brown, gray, navy, skirt, JEGGINGS, dress I don't care, just wear them. (See below for my pick...Steve Madden, Candace, $99)

• Stop counting to three with the kids. Really. It's a waste of time. They know it and so do you.
• Go old school. Remember when Monday night dinner was meatloaf night. Tuesday was roast. Wednesday was gravy steak. You get the point. I'm bringing the old school dinner rotation back, baby! Easy meals that everyone likes that are fool proof...that's what I'm going for. And if you don't like it, you don't eat.
• Three Christmas presents each. That's it. Gotta problem with it? Call Santa cause I ain't listenin'. Oh, and Santa doesn't make Lego's, Polly Pockets, puzzles or Lincoln Logs anymore. I just don't have time to find the extra special Jedi Knight Prince of Persia Power Ranger you lost.
• Throw out all your old makeup. It just takes up space and breaks and gets everything else nasty. All the products you need out everyday is what you use for your "basic face." For me that's foundation, mascara, blush and gloss. (For a night out, just add red lips instead and you're done. Total glamour.)
• Don't do anything for your kids that they can do themselves. I knew I had been "doing" for way too long when Jeb asked me to just please come watch him go potty. That's disturbing! He's 4. Have I really been going to watch him potty all these years? Gross.
• Learn to say no. Nooooooo. No. No, thank you. Good luck with making 500 iced cookies... suckerrrrrrr! Doesn't matter how you say it, just figure out a way that you can get it out and just say no. There are a ton of "good" things that we could all do but are they the best things for us to spend our time on?
• Finally, and most importantly, if you color your hair out of a box, just buy whatever's cheapest. I've tried every brand out there and can't tell one bit of difference. Save yourself money and go buy a latte instead.

Wink. Wink. Part 1

My right eye has been twitching since about day 6 of our China trip. Everyone thinks I'm winking at them and, honestly, I'm just waiting for my entire right side to start with a tick any day now. The last time I had an ever-present eye twitch was when we were going through Jeb's adoption four years ago. See any pattern here? We turned in our paperwork to Lifeline on May 5, 2008, by Thanksgiving my eye was twitching and by February I felt like I was one discolored mole away from the top floor of Brookwood.

I can look back through my life and see all kinds of "markers" that point to me having anxiety issues. When I was 9, my dad and I were walking to get ice cream and an ambulance passed us with its lights and horns going. I remember feeling instantly nauseous and thinking "That could be me in that ambulance someday." In high school, I had a friend who worked for the volunteer rescue squad in Knoxville and he thought that maybe he was exposed to TB while working an accident.....maybe. I made my mom take me in to get a TB test. I could go on and on with examples, but I think you get it.

Jerod and I both drove to Lifeline to turn in our application to start Jeb's adoption. I had been praying for that moment for so long and it should have been one of those great, "happiest moments ever." But instead when we walked out of Lifeline Jerod got in his car and drove back to work and I got in mine and had a complete come apart. The fear of the unknown set in and the "what-ifs" started. What if he has Down's Syndrome? What if his mom has HIV and it just hasn't shown up on his lab tests yet? What if he kills us all in the middle of the night when he's 15? What if everyone in his genetic family turns in to purple aliens on their 8th birthdays. I mean, really, I went through them all. But at some point I guess I got tired of worrying about things that I couldn't control in Guatemala, so I started worrying about things I could

"control" here.

It started with the eye twitch that meant I had a brain tumor. My friend that's an eye doctor said it was just stress. Then I one night I found a mole that looked funny. I've had that mole for as long as I can remember, but this night it looked funny. The doctor said it looked normal to him. Then I found a "lump" in my right boob. So, I went and got an ultrasound of the boob and all the radiologist could tell me about it was that it was a "fluid filled cyst" about the size of a Grape nut and that I should drink less caffeine. I asked him for a more official sounding diagnosis but that was all he had to say. Well, except that he had no idea how I even felt it because it was so small. He just doesn't know me.

I don't remember exactly how the conversation went, but one night I was talking to a friend of mines husband who is a doctor. I was telling him about all that had been going on with me and the "diseases" I was sure that I had and he said "You know what you're thinking is not normal, right?" What????? Really? Honestly, I thought that's how everyone lived. I thought everyone wanted to throw up when they saw ambulances it was just that some people had better coping skills for their "throw ups" than others. Right? So, sitting there as a 29 year old mom of two, was the first time I had ever thought that maybe this wasn't normal. Maybe I didn't have to live life like this anymore.

****Part 2 of the story will have to wait until tomorrow. I'm not trying to be dramatic, I'm just really tired and my eyes are starting to cross and twitch. Plus, nobody wants to read a marathon post about moles and cysts!****

Are You In or Are You Out?

Someone said to me the other day "I heard jeggings are out." You would have thought she told me that I missed the rapture. I was so stinkin' mad! The fashion industry is such a spin factory sometimes! I had to order "jeggings" from Korea two years ago. They may be "out" there, but the just landed in the U.S. and, honestly, I don't think they're going anywhere. What's not to love about them? If you haven't tried them, you should ASAP. Comfy, stretchy "jeans/leggings" that let you breathe and you can easily be tucked them into your boots. Oversized sweater + jeggings + boots= Fall perfection. And I don't care what anybody says about Uggs either. They may not be the fab new thing, but they aren't "out." White lace-up Keds with tapered stonewashed

jeans are out. Uggs are not.

Now comes the hard part. I still can't decide about clogs being back. Ugh! They remind me of early 90's which reminds me that I'm old because I've already worn them once. Maybe I'll give them a try and report back. I mean give them a try on. At the store. They may be genius and I'm just being a hater. For what it's worth, here are my favorites...

I like to buy shoes in a cognac color or something "neutral." These could go with denim, black, brown and gray.

Jeggings can be found anywhere. I bought mine at Ross for like $9.99. Or you can go to Saks. worth the effort to find a pair you like!

Update on Typhoon Megi

When we were in China the worst super typhoon in 20 years was headed straight for us in Hong Kong. They named it Megi which is Korean for catfish???? Anyway, Jerod and I started calling Collins Megi because where ever she went, there was always a wake of destruction left behind. It may be cracker crumbs or broken ego's that just got schooled by a 2 year old, but either way you knew she had been there.

It's hard to believe we've only been home 12 days. Seems like forever. But everyday we're making a little progress and things are looking up. We're past the "Have we made the biggest mistake ever?" to "How do we now live with this forever?" As hard as it's been, it seems like with the addition of Collins our family has been "rounded" out. I don't know how else to put it but it just seems complete. Maybe I like even numbers or maybe what Jerod said is true: "Collins. You're just what this family needed. A feisty, little Chinese girl." Who knows.

So far this week we've made some pretty big strides. We're no longer afraid of Tico the cat or Cooper the dog. In fact, we quite like them. Collins will go up to Tico and do this patronizing little tippie toe dance around him like "I could take you if I wanted, but I'll let you live and taunt you instead." She laughs the whole time. She and Jennings are now BFF. They run around this house and giggle together like Jennings always wanted. Found out that Collins likes Chick-fil-A and PBandJ, thank you Jesus! The car seat no longer freaks us out and we haven't thrown up in the car in about 10 days. Always good. I've found that we both do better when we get out a little each day. It's like we both get nervous when it's just us. She loves other kids so the past few days we've gone to the park. Sometimes we just sit and watch and sometimes we run to the top of the climbing wall and claim that we are the coolest. Either way, I think she misses her friends and it makes her happy to be with children. All things things don't mean that she still doesn't drive me nuts. She can pitch the best two year old tantrum ever. It's not an orphan cry, it's a "I'm really ticked off that you aren't doing what I want you to." cry. I've heard both and I know the difference. I'm like "Can't you see that I'm making you noodles, changing Jeb's clothes and baking a cake all at the same time?" No sympathy. I have to keep reminding myself that people only get angry when someone blocks them from a goal. Maybe my goal of quiet for 3 minutes in this house is asking too much.

Anyway, that's where we are. I need to download some new pics. Will do that soon. Oh, she wore a bow today. So nice that no little boy at the park came up and asked me if she was a boy.

Addiction

or healthy distraction?

This Fall I was in a Bible study about addiction, with addiction being defined as anything that comes between you and God. What you go to to fill in the GAP: that space between where you are and where God wants you to be. Example: Where you are: I am failing as a mom. My middle schooler is a loner and has no friends. ****Insert GAP**** Where God wants you to be: Believe that you AND your middle schooler are well-provided for children of the King.
We all fill the GAP with addictions at some point or another or always for most of us. I mean, if it were me in this situation, I would fill in the GAP with signing my child up for after school clubs, youth group trips and probably buy a self-help book on how to help loser kids. None of those things are bad in and of themselves, but with a frantic, controlling heart, they are an addiction. You're just trying to make yourself feel better and make life feel a little bit less out of your control by "doing something." The "non-addiction" thing that God wants us to do is run to Him instead of Barnes and Noble and trust that He is loving and able to take care of our babies. Apparently, "The Last Addiction," based on a book by that title, is the addiction to the belief that we can save ourselves.

So, here's the dilema...when does a healthy escape, or something sometimes called "it-makes-me-a-better-mommy", become an addiction?

For those of you who didn't know me in my former life (life before I had four kids, well, really life before I started filling out truckloads of paperwork for Collins' adoption) I wrote fashion columns for several blogs. I would write about the latest trends or a great, new bra I found. I know, it's a shocker considering my degree, but fashion and styling became my creative outlet...an outlet I never knew I had. I thought I was doomed to be a logical, in-the-box engineer all my life, so this discovery was a fun surprise.

I haven't had time to think about clothes in a year, and now all the sudden, I'm editing over-the-knee boots online and deciding if I'm going to try the clog trend this Fall. So, is my creative outlet an addiction or something that helps keep me sane during these days while I have a Chinese 2 year old attached to me?

For now, I'm going with healthy distraction. I guess if my kids start to go hungry because I'm researching the new peep toes then we'll have a problem. So to celebrate my not yet addiction, look tomorrow for my take on Uggs, jeggings and, ugh, clogs.

Until then...What are your thoughts?

Fwhi Whi

So, tonight Jerod gave Collins a bath and gave her one of his special hair dos. At one point or another, all of our kids have had this same look. She came in to sit down for dinner and the moment was just too good to pass up....She had crazy, mad-woman looking hair, snot running down her nose and and attitude to go with both. I made her pork fried rice tonight thinking that she's probably missed it in a bad way. I said "Collins. Say Fried Rice." She did and I laughed my fanny off. She said it just like we all think Chinese people would say Fried Rice. Fwhi Whi. I grabbed the camera and this is what I got....I guess we'll be paying for counseling when she's 40.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhNLbVioRBE&feature=mfu_in_order&list=UL

***I know this may be mean, maybe even child abuse, but I haven't laughed in so long...

I had to post it***

All You Need is a Paper Bag

I bet you all thought I was needing the paper bag for deep breathing exercises this week. I've come close, but not yet. Just wanted to show you some pictures from our first week together (seems like it's been years.) This is the most resourceful child I've ever seen. We've played and had more fun with shell pasta, rice and paper bags. I guess you gotta have fun with whatever you can find in the orphanage.

Fun Times

We Skyped with JingJing (Collins friend from her orphanage that now lives in Atlanta)

We Read the Bible

We held our brother's hand while he went potty. I thought this was so weird, but sweet. How gross is the banana, too.

I'm going to post a link on Facebook too of pictures that Jerod's mom sent me. For some reason I can't post them here.

"One Sunny Summer"

When I was in 5th grade I decided to write a book. I titled it "One Sunny Summer." I have no idea what it was going to be about. I think I only got about halfway down one page of a legal pad before the enthusiasm wore off and I stopped my writing career. Everyone should probably be glad I did because, really, when was the last time you read a riveting, best-selling novel by an engineer? Likely never. I haven't thought about "One Sunny Summer" in years, but for some reason almost everyday of the past week I've thought about it.

If you were to ask me what age I'd like to go back to, I would say 10 years old. And the title of my almost "novel" says exactly why. At that age, the it's always "One Sunny Summer." You're old enough to have some independence and freedom in your world. You can go walk the track at high school football games and go to movies without your parents. And also most 10 year olds (I do know exceptions) haven't experienced the evil and harshness of the world that leaves you prive to the fact that people will always let you down and those closest to you will be the ones to hurt you the most. It's like the last year before reality kicks you in the ass and you're really never the same again...or at least it was for me.

I've tried to figure out why in the world I've thought about this "book" (if you can call it that) so much lately. The best that I can come up with is that in just 20 short years everything about what I know about life has changed. It's not always "One Sunny Summer" and really it never has been. I'm not surprised that people do bad things anymore. That orphans are left on door steps. That pastors have affairs and terrorists fly planes into buildings. I don't even really pay attention to the murders that the local news talks about nightly. At 10, I would have told you that those things only happened in the worst R-rated movie that I wasn't allowed to see.

I guess there are days when I just long for a little bit of ignorance. I mean, sometimes isn't ignorance really bliss? I sit and watch Jeb and Collins play and laugh and cry and they seem like normal toddlers. But, their story isn't normal and it never has been. They suffered their greatest loss, greatest disappointment in life at 1 day and 10 days old. With Jeb, at least we have pictures of his mom and a few details of her life, but with Collins, someday I'll have to tell her that someone just left her in a box on a sidewalk in the middle of China. That's it. We'll never know anything about her parents or if she has brothers and sisters or if she has her mom's eyes. There isn't even a picture of Collins until she is about 10 months old. It's like she didn't even exist until then.

But what a 10 year old doesn't know is that even with all the messiness and hurt, life gets so much deeper and richer and meaningful as you get older and suffer a little. It's not all about the perfectly feathered bangs or Tretorns anymore, but it's so much better. The rough times in life give God a great backdrop to work. I guess we'd all do ourselves a favor if we could just figure out how to suffer well instead of fighting life. Easier said than done, I know.

Just a thought...

P.S. I think it's funny that anyone is still reading this blog. I mean the orphan was rescued, isn't that the high point?! But this writing thing has turned into some sort of therapy for me and I'm just going to keep going. Plus someday it may be fun to go back and read or laugh at myself. Anyway, I don't know, from here on it's just me writing out loud....whatever is in my head. I may write about orphans or fashion or PTA meetings. I don't really edit what comes out, so sorry in advance. I hope I don't lose any friends with this blog...

Yesterday Was a Bad Day. Yesterday Was a Good Day.

Yesterday was a bad day. The night before Collins didn't sleep a bit. She tossed and turned and if she wasn't touching me she would cry and throw her arm over to feel for me. I think I was slapped in the face about 100 times. At one point, she climbed over and laid on top of my chest. She was afraid I was going to leave her. We woke up to a rainy day that just felt weird. I felt like an alien had moved into my house. I'm tired of hearing her whine in Chinese, and Jerod and I are sure she's cussed us out several times. She doesn't like American food. She shoves Jeb away from me and snatches his Halloween candy. If Jennings puts her hand on her stroller she yells "No!" She's scared of Tico and Cooper and screams and runs when she sees them. She follows me everywhere and pitches a fit when I can't pick her up. Doesn't she know that I have 3 other kids? There's no cartoon babysitter here; I guess because she can't understand ENGLISH. She got car sick and threw up in the car. I can't eat because of this nervous, anxious feeling in my stomach that says"Will this ever feel normal?"

*****

Yesterday was a good day. When I was crying on the floor putting on my shoes, I looked up at Collins and she had one little tear rolling down her cheek and she laid her head down on my shoulder. I'll never know if that tear was to say "I'm sorry" or "Yeah. I know. This sucks for both of us." But either way it was a sweet moment. When Jerod came home yesterday I said "Mingjiao who is that?" she yelled Dada and ran into his arms. I caught her dancing to Dave Matthews and it made me smile. She has the best laugh. It's one of those great, belly laughs. She and Jennings played a long game of Peek-A-Boo around the kitchen. She rode a Radio Flyer scooter down the driveway in fresh air with a Golden Retriever playing catch in the yard. Jerod wrote me a note and a part of it was "We are called to be inconvenienced and taken out of our comfort zone. This is what we do. We are strengthened by God and don't shy away from His word but meet it head on and become faithful servants."

If His word is true, and true religion is caring for the orphans and the widows and the outcasts, then I guess the good day/bad days are worth it.

Pants on the Ground

This is my life. Everyone needs attention and someone always shows their fanny (figuratively). The pun wasn't intended here but it works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-a80fAJW30

Amber Alert

No need to call 911. We are alive. Barely. Actually, more so than I thought we would be. Picking up where we left off with the addition of a bossy, Chinese toddler has been interesting for sure.

The flight home went really well. She slept probably 60% of the time and the other 40% she was talking (loudly) and laughing. She liked flying and thought that everyone was sitting there for her. She would walk up and down the aisles and touch everyone's arms or wave and smile as she passed. Of course if they responsed and motioned back she freaked out but she enjoyed the smiles (well, really, laughs) at the 4 stickers on her head.

It was great getting back home and smelling fresh air and feeling a breeze, neither of which were in China. Collins walked into the house a little overwhelmed at the 10 kids that were in her face calling her this weird name of "Collins." We've been calling her Mingjiao still. (What if someone started calling you Mingjiao all the sudden one day after being named Sally for 38 years.) After everyone got out of her face though she started playing and having fun with the toys and kids.

Right now I think it's just as hard for Connor, Jennings and Jeb as it is her. Jeb is no longer the baby and having a really hard time with that. I think they will be BFF eventually but now just too much competition for mommy time. They fight over my lap. If Jeb holds onto my leg, Collins comes over and slaps him and holds my other leg. Jennings has cried more than anyone else so far. Collins is, for whatever reason, not taking to her like she is Connor or even Jeb and it is breaking her heart. She'll come up to me in tears and say "She just doens't like me. She plays with everyone else and pushes me away." Jennings has been looking so forward to her and having a little sister her to love on and play with. I guess you're never to young to learn how dangerous it is to have expectations of people; they will always let you down.

Jerod and I are good. If we can get past the jet lag, I think we will live. Oh, I have to post our first family photo from the other night. It's a keeper for sure. Not because it's great and perfect but because it's really funny and kind of a disaster. It's on Jerod's computer though so it will have to wait. Until then, hope everyone is doing well. Can't wait to see you all and catch up soon. I think I'm going to take a nap now....

It's a Small, Small World of Firsts

We had lots of firsts with Collins today. Everyday is a first for her, but today seemed loaded with them. It's fun to watch her little brain turn to try to figure out this

crazy, new world.

We had some good clothes breakthroughs today...we wore our first dress, CUTE, PINK tennis shoes AND a ruffle bathing suit. We swam for the first time, ate ice for the first time and experienced our first automatically flushing toliet. But the biggest first was our first trip to Disneyland. We had no intention of going to the park, but when your're staying at the Hong Kong Disneyland Hotel, how can you not go see Mickey? It turned out to be a great way to end an already memorable trip.

The Disneyland Hotel Hong Kong

The View of Hong Kong from our Deck

The Pool

Fun with Daddy

So Cute!

Diet Coke and Dress

Cinderella's Castle

She found these flowers on the ground and made us wear them all over the park.

She looked like Princess Lea.

She loved the carousel!

We're East Side in China. Anyone get it?

Daddy's a Sucker

Adios, China!

Whenever Jerod was trying to talk with someone who only spoke Chinese, as a last ditch effort to communicate, he would start speaking Spanish. It never got the point across any better than English, but without fail he would try. It was entertaining to watch, but I'm glad we're head back down South where we can understand the language and twang much better.

We fly out this morning (tonight for you) and get into Birmingham at 4:35 on Friday the 29th. Could there be a worse time to land? 4:30 Friday afternoon???? No pressure at all, but if you want to come to the airport we would love to see you. I have no idea what shape we'll be in but, hey, why not make it a party? We'll try to post here if something changes or atleast to Facebook. Thanks for sticking with the

saga for 16 days!

Much love,
Allison and Jerod

The Jebster

Jerod and I were looking through pictures of our trip to Guatemala. Really can't believe that Jeb has been home 3 1/2 years. He's still as cute now as he was then!

Our View from the orphanage, Eagles Nest

Jeb and Ella Bullock

Children at the Orphanage

Bye, Bye.

I had forgotten that we had this video. After watching it, I remember asking Jerod to get Collins waving bye bye, but didn't know how much else he got.

There's nothing all that impressive in this video except for Collins saying such a sweet goodbye. Nonetheless, the video says a lot. It gives you a great feel for where Collins has spent the past 2 1/2. The bell ringing for lunch, the disabled people all around and even the dreariness of the day all come together to give you a snap shot of life for these kids. Really, the only "colorful" things we saw there were the kids playroom and playground.

As we walk out, you can see the red brick building that was the original orphanage. It's amazing to me that God still blesses today what was done years ago. These children are a testimony to that. Outside of the mercy and protection of God, there's no explanation for how they leave the orphanage as un-scarred and healthy

as they are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nxp4gljSl3g

A Video is Worth A Lot of Words

I've been trying all week to get some videos of Collins uploaded. Finally, last night I got them up on YouTube. Here are three that show you the Collins we've been getting to know over the past week.

"I Love my Friends" is Collins when she was seeing her friends for the first time in the orphanage. (Sharon, you have to watch this!) "Here Fishie, Fishie" is her running to see the fish in the Japenese Garden at our hotel...she loves the fish! "Scary Collins" is from the other night when we played "scare" about a thousand times.

Here's Collins in action

http://www.youtube.com/user/allisonakerssinclair?feature=mhsn

Baby Steps with Mini Me

It's amazing what tiny, seemingly insignificant actions are actually really important moments with an adopted child. In a new and different world, comforts from the past are hard to let go of. Even well adjusted adults crave familiarity, so much more so for a child who has spent 2 1/2 years in an orpahange and lost all "control" of her life in one day. That's why this morning was such a big deal for us.

This was the first morning that Collins has woken up and not checked first thing for a sticker on her head or run straight to the stash of them. It's also the first morning that we haven't had to put on our obnoxiously bright yellow Crocs before we left the bedroom. And I got my first kiss from her, too. I was kneeling down to get her out of the stroller and I tipped backwards taking her down with me. She started laughing and just leaned down and planted two big, drooly kisses on each of my cheeks. When we go to sleep at night, she'll hold my hand and rub my arm. At first she wouldn't even really let me touch her, but if my arm comes off now, she picks it up and puts it back over her.

She's also come a long way with Jerod. This morning she went over to say hello to him after he woke up. Normally she just stares at him like he's an alien and walks away. Jerod will do his typical silly things or even "scary" things and she just laughs at him. And when Jerod came in and squirted water on her, she grabbed a cup and threw water back on him. He's already hooked.

Everyone that see's us and knows that we've only been with her for 6 days is so surprised at how comfortable she is. It's really like we've always had her. Well, except for that we can't even talk to each other. We'll have our bad days for sure, but right now we are all just having a lot of fun together.

Starbucks Chocolate Biscotti and A Good Three Layers of Stickers

Making Faces

At "The Paddy Field" the Irish pub behind the hotel. (She didn't drink the Guiness. Promise. And, Michele, it felt just like Dublin.)

Collins' first boyfriend. She meet him at The Paddy Field. Gabriel is half Irish and half Singaporian. And he's a cutie!

Coloring with Fun Daddy

Really Bad Bed Head

It's Like Child Birth

It's the things they don't tell you that you really need to know. I'm all about lists right now, so here's another one on things you should know if you ever plan on

traveling to China.

1) Finding a Diet Coke is like searching for a bargain at Saks. Pointless. They don't drink them here. The Chinese think it tastes like the herbal tea they drink when they're sick. Bring your own, or get to know Coke Zero.

2) They drive on the right side of the road....just like in the States. Hong Kong on the other hand drives backwards. Well, not backwards, but you know what I mean.

3) There are lines on the road, but no one stays in them. Really. You just cross the street where ever you want, stop when you feel like it, and switch lanes whenever. Somehow it works here. In Alabama, we would have seen 100's of people die by now from road rage.

4) Egg rolls are not egg rolls. Egg rolls here are more like pastries. If you made a sweet-ish, egg "dough", made it into a crepe, and then rolled it up, you'd have a Chinese egg roll.

5) If you are Chinese, you like green tea or you're a loser. There's green tea everything: ice cream, gum, hand wipes, Kit Kat's, you name it, it's made with a green tea flavor or scent.

6) When old people exercise, they walk backwards and clap. They think doing that makes you smarter and more balanced, but it looks really funny and not so smart.

7) Kids go to school from 8-5 with a 2 1/2 break for lunch. The work day is the same. Everyone goes home for lunch and a nap.

8) Here are the rules for foreigners from the police. Number three totally ruined my plans for the day, so I went shopping instead.

Mini Me

I have a Mini Me. Her name is Collins.

She LOVES my sunglasses. She looks like an old Jewish lady. And the skirt came off about 3 minutes later....

Where ever we go, she is right beside me. Can't even ride in the stroller without holding my hand.

If I brush my teeth, she brushes hers.

Always in my lap. Always.

And this is just a cute picture. Whenever she does something she is proud of she puts her hand on her hips and starts swishing back and forth.

Jumbo Puzzle

(I don't know what happened to the spacing with this post. Sorry, it won't let me fix it?)

It's weird to be thrown into life together with a 2 year old. Jeb was a baby when we adopted him. At six months old, he was fairly flexible in his routines. As long as you met his basic needs, he was ok. But with Collins being 2 1/2, she has come into this family with certain expectations from life lived in the orphanage...some good, some bad. Here are a few of the things that we are learning about Collins more and more everyday.

The shoe obsession is more than just a love of shoes. She has a total melt down if we try to walk out of the bedroom without them on. Apparently, in the orphanage, she always had to wear shoes. The floors were concrete so that's probably the reason.

Yesterday she had to get 4 immunization shots. She woke up in the middle of the night and had a fever. She was restless all night and one point she woke up crying yelling what sounded like "gaga." My head went to a million places of what that word meant but in the morning she said "gaga" and pointed to her forehead. Somewhere a sticker on her forehead has become a really important, I guess fun, thing to her. Always a sticker on her head. Everyone in China thinks we are weird Americans that are doing awful things to her like making her wear Hello Kitty stickers on her head.

The girl will not put on a skirt or dress. Pants only. All I brought were skirts and dresses! She's never worn one and I'm thinking she feels like she's in a 1980's taffata bridesmaid's dress in it. She's ok with bows though...most of the time.

When we were flying here the other night, I sat her in her seat and started to buckle her up. She lost it. Tears streaming and arms reaching for me. The video we got of her in February showed her straped into a potty seat....basically a chair that has a pan underneath it. I'm sure she would have to stay strapped in for long periods of time and the airplane seatbelt reminded her of that. We had the same problem with the stroller yesterday. Heartbreaking.

She loves to be clean. Always telling me to wipe her mouth and hands and she will take a baby wipe and clean her whole body. The clean, neat, follow-the-rules kids are the favorites in the orphanage.

Getting to know her is like working a 1000 piece puzzle. One piece in the right spot can make you see clearly where everything else goes. Everyday we are just trying to figure out more and more who little Collins is. I guess it's going to be a life-long puzzle, but it's so worth it.

Waterproof Mascara and Shots of Three

Two days ago we visited Collins' orphanage. It was a crazy day. I had prepared myself for a day of grief and tears, but halfway through we ended up in an executive "lunchroom" doing shots of beer with high ranking officials of Fujian province....that's China for you.

Jack, the Director of Fujian Province Adoption and International Marriage, picked us up at the hotel at 8:20. Actually, he was there at 8:10 hurrying us through breakfast because it was rush hour and we had to catch the 9:00 train to Putian City. I threw some fried rice and bread in a to go box and we ran to the cab. After dashing through morning traffic and nearly dying 20 times on the way, we jump out of the car with Collins and two huge bags of clothes for the orphange in tow. I realized then why China has so many special needs babies for adoption (and I'm not joking about this.) They can't keep up. Everything happens at lightening speed. Really, may God be with the healthy person who sprains an ankle because they will miss a train and be run over trying to get there. Side note, Collins LOVES new things. She loves riding in cars. She loves Wal-Mart. Elevators, escalators, trains and weird food, she loves. She's totally fine in the midst of all this madness. I'm probably freaking out more than she is, but it's nerve wrecking

The high speed train is surprisingly clean and quiet and it's fast. What would have taken us 2 1/2 hours only took us 40 minutes on the train. It was nice to sit and be still for a moment though. Collins fell asleep and we talked to Jack about adoption and Fujian province. Who knew Jack was a really important person in Fujian and in China. He's on the news all the time and friends with the Vice Premier of China. For whatever reason, he decided to go with us to visit Putian. He said he hasn't been there in three years, so he's quite sure they will want to take him to lunch after our orphange visit.

Putian City

When we pull into Putian, Collins is still asleep. I wake her up and say a prayer for her as she has no idea what we are about to do. The day before we had seen her nanny and Dr. Li at the Civil Affairs office. She had been really good with it. She went to her nanny but didn't cry for her and everytime she needed something she came to me, not her. That was a great sign. She was starting to figure out who I was. But we were going to see them again today and see all of her friends. I wasn't sure how it was going to go.

When we walk up the stairs, her nanny and Dr. Li were waiting for us. Collins is still in a fog. Her nanny reaches for her, and she leans in to go to her. I walk close by and hold her hand. I have no idea where we are going first. We wanted to see her finding place as well as get pictures of Collins friend JingJing's finding place for our friends that couldn't see it when they were in China. After driving down a dirt road, we pull into the orphanage. I recognize it immediately. The orphanage is actually more like a compound. Several buildings with courtyards and sidewalks. Like the rest of China, it's dusty and run down. Collins is looking around a little confused but okay. She would look at me and then look around again wondering why her two worlds were colliding.

Putian City Social Welfare Institute

Dr. Li starts to walk us through to what I am guessing is the childrens building, but I still don't really know what the plan is. We walk up a ramp and pass an old, rundown playgound. Collins doesn't really pay much attention to it. At the top of the ramp, there is a very Western looking building. Turns out, it was the original orphanage building that was built by Christian missionaries. Totally threw me off, but it makes me happy to know that. We turn right, and I see a gate. Collins starts squealing and jumps down to run toward the gate. I then see two little boys standing staring at us. She is so excited to see them and immediately starts to play. We go through the gate and on the left is this tiny play room with maybe 4 other children in it. Two of the kids are on these rocking horse things and Collins goes straight over to one of the boys, pulls him off and starts to rock next to her friend. The funniest part was that he let her. I'm thinking she was the playground bully; they said she was always like that. The Original Orphanage

All the nannies were there and everyone is loving on her and saying hello to us. We stay and play for about 4 minutes and then it's time to go. It was a whirlwind. I'm going to have to go back and watch the video just to remember the details. I thought we were going to go see her room but we start to walk back out the gate. As we go, Collins is in my arms and in the sweetest little voice starts waving and saying "Bye bye. Bye bye. Bye bye." to her friends. No tears for her. It was like she knew she was always going to get out of there. There were lots of tears for me though thinking that some of those kids may never leave that tiny playroom.

We walk back to the van, and (quickly) off the Collins finding place. In hindsight, I think the rushing was purposeful. The orphanage was terrible. About 85% of the people there are severely mentally disabled. I have no idea, besides God's protection and mercy, how she made it out as un-scarred as she seems.

Collins was left at the SOS Children's Village which is set up like the Big Oak Ranch. It is a really nice facility and whoever left her I'm sure had hopes that they would keep her. We take a few pictures and I watch Collins pull on the gate and walk around totally oblivious to the significance of where we were.

I'm not as emotional as I thought I would be. Maybe it's becuase we were just jerked around the city without much time to reflect inbetween. I had no idea that the craziest part was about to happen.

Jack had warned us that when we go to lunch that the hosts would want us to drink beer with them. I'm not a big beer drinker, but it's percieved as rude if you don't, so ok. I'll do it. We walk into a private lunch room which looks more like a board room with a round table. I didn't know there was a head of a round table but I was quickly ushered to a new seat when I tried to sit there. We start out with some appetizers on the big lazy susan on the table. Jerod is loving the dried minnows and I'm still trying to get past the shrimp eye balls and head that I have to take off. Collins, on the otherhand, is eating it all. Amazing. The rounds of odd food keep coming and the toasts begin. We toasted to everything from the health of Collins to the health of the pinkie toes of the world. Every toast we have to drink a shot glass of beer. By the end of the day, we were doing toasts in groups of three. Apparently, if you want to be really, really, really good friends you take shots of three together.

30 bottles of Beck's later, we head back to the train station. We get in our seats and in about 30 seconds Jack and Collins are both asleep. I just stare out the window of the train and thank God for waterproof mascara on a day like today.